As I re-read my post from Sunday night, I realized that I haven't succeeded this week. What I did was become overwhelmed with life on Monday and spent most of the day close to tears, so what was the first thing I did..oh yeah, I put the ole food in my mouth. Food, its always such a comfort when I don't want to think about what hurts the most.
I didn't mention that I graduated in July with my undergraduate degree and I am now in my masters program. I have a lot of homework in this program. I write best when I am munching. I can always concentrate better when I have something to throw in my mouth. So, Monday was a wash. Today is Tuesday, although I haven't had much, what I have had is not great. I say this while I have brownies cooking in the oven. Got to love self control. Weigh-in is in a couple days so I need to get busy and start behaving.
Last night I was in the middle of presenting William Glassers Choice/Reality therapy when I realized what a horrible counselor I am going to be. I realized that everything I believed in with what Glasser teaches I don't personally practice. First we are the only ones that can control US. Second the only two things we can control is our thoughts and actions.
When I put this knowledge to use in my life, I realize that I have a long way to go personally. That I need to realize I can't control others. I can love them and hope that they are truthful and honest with me. I can love them and hope that they love me back. But I can only control myself. This relates to my weight loss because I realize that I am the only one that can control what I eat and if I exercise.
Lessons from Glasser are to figure out what you want, what is it going to take to get you to that goal, start doing what it takes to get where you want to be, and evaluate..is it working for you? If the answer is no, then figure out where to change those behaviors.
I want to feel healthy, its not about a number for me, but if I had to pick one it would be some where around 150. My inner self wants to say 130, but that is unrealistic. to get to where I want to be, I need to make healthy choices, exercise regularly, change my behavior where food is concerned. Stop using food as a reward, a punishment, or when I am upset.
I have often had aaahhhaaa moments before, sometimes I act on them and other times after the ahhhaaa goes away, I sometimes forget I had that moment and go back to life as usual.
My hope is that since I have taken the time to write my thoughts down, that I also take the time to use this moment and put it to use in my life. If I am going to expect my clients to do the work, then I need to do the work!
Thanks for listening,
Sandie
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
The Journey Begins
Here I sit, once again working on my weight loss. I have struggled with my weight most of my adult life, though only in the last 15 years has my weight become a serious concern.
Today I am 5'6" tall, I weigh 281, recently I have lost 6 lbs on weight watchers and will continue to use this program as I am embarking on a journey I have never tried before.
The reason I am writing a journal my journey is because first it is a place for me to put my feelings down on paper, second it is a place for me to keep a record of my experiences, good and bad, and third this is a place for me to have some accountability, to myself.
I have tried many different "diets" and weight loss programs, I have never been successful on any one of them. I have had success as I have been faithful to the program, but I have never finished a program.
My story began after my fourth child a son was born in December 1986, I had a harder time taking off my baby weight, though I was not grossly overweight. I joined weight watchers with my dear friend Sherry. We went to a mom and tot class, I thrived in this arena. I lost 60 lbs and was at the goal weight set, but I wanted to lose another 10 lbs, so I decided I wouldn't set my goal yet, that was my first mistake. I never made lifetime. I kept my weight off for a while, little bits crept up here and there. We moved to Hawaii, where I was sure that I could keep the weight off, I mean really, who wants to be seen in a bathing suit in Hawaii looking fat? Not me! Well, I was able to keep my weight semi under control, though it was difficult for me to completely control my weight.
Three years later, we moved to Utah, where I started working. I joined Jenny Craig, I hated the food so that didn't work for me. I decided I was going to just be me and not worry about my weight. I started working at a local hospital as a secretary and ended up working there eight years. I gained 80 lbs working there, an average of 10 lbs a year. I wasn't happy, my teenage children were driving me nuts. My marriage was rocky at best. I just felt depressed and seriously unhappy.
I finally had ballooned up to 273 lbs, my husband and I started weight watchers, he lost weight so quickly, 100 lbs zoom gone, I lost 50 to his 100, I felt great, but I was not happy in life. My children were all changing and doing their own thing, I didn't feel I had a place in my own home any longer, nobody needed me. I had spent 20 years doing everything for everyone, but I NEVER took the time for me, not to truly do anything for me. I didn't even know what my favorites were. I had been so consumed with raising my family, I forgot about self care.
Well, my journey starts today. I am going to start working on me. My life has changed drastically since those years gone by. I am 49 years old, I have been married for 30 years, I have 4 children and soon to be 10 grandchildren. My husband and I have recently gotten custody of three of our grandchildren ages 9, 8 and 4 (this is the ultimate do over by the way) and they have given me motivation to take care of myself so I can be there for them. I love being a grandmother.
Two years ago I weighed in a weight watchers at 307, a year ago I weighed in at 297, two weeks ago I weighed in at 287. My husband said that this rate by the time I am 97 I should weigh exactly what I want! He can be funny sometimes!
I have never been this honest about my weight ever, I can't believe I am sharing this online, but I'm pulling up my big girl panties and I'm going to take charge. First off all, I am going to continue with Weight Watchers, but I am going to take great care in what I am eating, such as organic foods, foods that are natural, what God put on this earth. Fresh fruits and veggies, meat that has not been injected with harmful drugs. I am going to make things fresh, so that I am not injesting preservatives and things that are harmful to my body. I will use portion control with Weight Watchers because I need that, but I am going to be more holistic in my approach to my health.
I think this is enough for tonight, I will write again. My weigh ins are on Friday and I will post my weight loss. I have been horrible this weekend, I was traveling last week and so Monday is going to be the first good day I have had all week!
Sandie
Today I am 5'6" tall, I weigh 281, recently I have lost 6 lbs on weight watchers and will continue to use this program as I am embarking on a journey I have never tried before.
The reason I am writing a journal my journey is because first it is a place for me to put my feelings down on paper, second it is a place for me to keep a record of my experiences, good and bad, and third this is a place for me to have some accountability, to myself.
I have tried many different "diets" and weight loss programs, I have never been successful on any one of them. I have had success as I have been faithful to the program, but I have never finished a program.
My story began after my fourth child a son was born in December 1986, I had a harder time taking off my baby weight, though I was not grossly overweight. I joined weight watchers with my dear friend Sherry. We went to a mom and tot class, I thrived in this arena. I lost 60 lbs and was at the goal weight set, but I wanted to lose another 10 lbs, so I decided I wouldn't set my goal yet, that was my first mistake. I never made lifetime. I kept my weight off for a while, little bits crept up here and there. We moved to Hawaii, where I was sure that I could keep the weight off, I mean really, who wants to be seen in a bathing suit in Hawaii looking fat? Not me! Well, I was able to keep my weight semi under control, though it was difficult for me to completely control my weight.
Three years later, we moved to Utah, where I started working. I joined Jenny Craig, I hated the food so that didn't work for me. I decided I was going to just be me and not worry about my weight. I started working at a local hospital as a secretary and ended up working there eight years. I gained 80 lbs working there, an average of 10 lbs a year. I wasn't happy, my teenage children were driving me nuts. My marriage was rocky at best. I just felt depressed and seriously unhappy.
I finally had ballooned up to 273 lbs, my husband and I started weight watchers, he lost weight so quickly, 100 lbs zoom gone, I lost 50 to his 100, I felt great, but I was not happy in life. My children were all changing and doing their own thing, I didn't feel I had a place in my own home any longer, nobody needed me. I had spent 20 years doing everything for everyone, but I NEVER took the time for me, not to truly do anything for me. I didn't even know what my favorites were. I had been so consumed with raising my family, I forgot about self care.
Well, my journey starts today. I am going to start working on me. My life has changed drastically since those years gone by. I am 49 years old, I have been married for 30 years, I have 4 children and soon to be 10 grandchildren. My husband and I have recently gotten custody of three of our grandchildren ages 9, 8 and 4 (this is the ultimate do over by the way) and they have given me motivation to take care of myself so I can be there for them. I love being a grandmother.
Two years ago I weighed in a weight watchers at 307, a year ago I weighed in at 297, two weeks ago I weighed in at 287. My husband said that this rate by the time I am 97 I should weigh exactly what I want! He can be funny sometimes!
I have never been this honest about my weight ever, I can't believe I am sharing this online, but I'm pulling up my big girl panties and I'm going to take charge. First off all, I am going to continue with Weight Watchers, but I am going to take great care in what I am eating, such as organic foods, foods that are natural, what God put on this earth. Fresh fruits and veggies, meat that has not been injected with harmful drugs. I am going to make things fresh, so that I am not injesting preservatives and things that are harmful to my body. I will use portion control with Weight Watchers because I need that, but I am going to be more holistic in my approach to my health.
I think this is enough for tonight, I will write again. My weigh ins are on Friday and I will post my weight loss. I have been horrible this weekend, I was traveling last week and so Monday is going to be the first good day I have had all week!
Sandie
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